Thinking back it was only natural that I fell in love with Star Wars (and I do mean love). My popularity at school was something of a mixed bag, I had friends but I wasn’t really recognised by the core “trendy” group. I was bullied on and off until about the age of 14 and even after that my size and other personality traits (loud voice, opinionated) often kept me in the cross hairs of people who obtained validation through the suffering of others. I want to stress though that it wasn’t a hard time, nor did I suffer that much. I took my licks and my jibes like a “Man” and moved on; knowing that deep down my situation in life would one day swing in my favour.
Of course, I had other things that kept me ticking over too.
Casting my mind back to when I was 6 years old, I think it all started one Christmas Eve. I remember vividly that my parents had to friends over to visit and that whilst I knew who they were my presence wasn’t required. Not that I gave 2 damns about that; Heck! It was Christmas Eve and all I could think about was the presents stowed away under the tree for me. My Dad, being the bastion of parental expertise and control that he is, put me down in front of the telly (for some reason my parents had decided to have their gathering in the kitchen) and he switched it on for me. He flicked through all the channels (only 4 at the time you see) and ITV had just started their network premier of “The Empire Strikes Back”. Dad bluntly said “there you go, if you get hungry give your mother a shout” and that was that. Just me and the second part of a trilogy I would later in life describe as “Holy”. At the time of course I had absolutely no idea how pivotal this moment could be nor how much I would cherish it as a memory later in life. I still maintain that if I had the technology to go back in time and see a moment re-lived in front of me, it would be this one (It narrowly beats the birth of our lord and saviour Jesus, my own birth and my own conception).
Where it all started. |
Once the film started, my memory goes very hazy of the whole event (don’t get me wrong, thanks to nearly 2 decades of re-watching Empire I can now recall the entire film to an almost 100% accuracy but as I said I was 6 at the time) but the one striking image I can remember, as if it happened 2 seconds ago is the image of the Imperial All Terrain Armoured Transports (AT-AT’s) stomping their way across the snow plains of Hoth in pursuit of the rebel base. This has a profound effect on me in 3 ways...
1) I would NEVER look at films the same way again.
2) Snow, no matter medium it is used in will always look brilliant.
3) I had to make this “thing” a part of my life.
I remember the Christmas day that followed. The excitement of opening a complete set of Turtles figures. Opening my Nintendo and probably not appreciating what affect the tiny 8 bit dreams located within would have on my fragile little mind, but most importantly just like that, I had forgotten about Star Wars. Just like that.
I remember catching glimpses of the other films throughout the next few years but somehow it always alluded me. I would ask Mum to try and rent them for me, but she never did; either the shop didn’t have them or Mum insisted “you’ve already seen them”. This carried on until I was about 11 and at this point only having a vague re-collection of the films and what happened in them, I needed to know more; I HAD to know more.
It was about this time that I started secondary school (high school to any American friends) and I found it very hard. I missed my old school tremendously and I wasn’t ready to grow up. I found the whole thing very daunting and unfair. I remember crying a lot and trying my best to hide it from my Mum and Dad. I’m not a doctor but if I had to guess I would say the way I felt then must have had some impact on the depression I suffer from now. I’m not pointing fingers of course but I remember how upset it made me at the time and it wasn’t like being cross at someone or something. It was like some horrible else where my naive mind wasn’t ready for at the time. It was a hard time which I normally hate discussing but thankfully it dovetails into something quite wonderful in relation to my love affair with “The Wars”.
My Christmas at my new school was a time for my Mum to cheer me up and god bless her she pulled out all of the stops. No one ever said anything at the time (and hasn’t since if I am honest) but I knew I got a little more that Christmas then I would have done had I taken to things a bit easier. I had embraced the Game Workshop hobby at the time and so Mum used the Yule tide era to provide me with enough models and other paraphernalia to enjoy it properly and to this day it was one of the best Christmas’s I can recall (No one could ever accuse me of being shallow could they). Once Christmas went, I was hit with the horrifying concept of going back to school and it felt like I had lost £50 and found 50p. The crying came back and it felt like I was starting over again, then one Friday evening Mum returned from shopping with some treats for both me and my sister (she would take our Christmas money and our “want” lists and try to return with our required items) and on this particularly occasion she again decided to ease my pain at school by slipping in a few extra items. One of these items was “Mrs Doubtfire” on VHS. A very popular film at the time that I hadn’t seen, so it went down a treat with me and my sister. That evening we sat down to watch it, and much like DVDs now the start of the tape was chocked full of trailers for up and coming releases via 20th century fox. One of the trailers showed the current re-release of the Star Wars Trilogy. Not only had they been digitally re-mastered but this would also be the last time to buy them ever (anyone reading this now with the slightest inkling of what Star Wars is now knows EXACTLY how hollow that sentiment is). I’ll be frank; I think I preferred the trailer than the film. The next morning before school I woke up extra earlier just so I could watch the trailer a few more times (and remember there wasn’t a “skip” button back then, each time was a slow and tedious rewind) but that didn’t matter. For 45 glorious seconds I was getting a blast of un-diluted Star Wars. The music would ring in my ears and make me want to weep with joy. The sight of the Millennium Falcon soaring through the asteroid field or the Rancor roaring at its potential quarry gave me goose bumps on goose bumps. That morning when I was on the school bus, I wasn’t welling up about the day ahead or the moments in it. The dark thoughts had left leaving only the memories of that 45 second trailer. I couldn’t lose it; I couldn’t NOT think about it.
That trailer was the last bit of Star Wars I would see properly for 2 whole years.
But the damage was done. The force had flowed through me like so many chocolate milkshakes had before and I knew that I wanted more.
I didn’t just want it. I needed it, and one Saturday afternoon I got it; or at least one 3rd of it.
To be continued
Tank